Trigger words: selfish (3) selfishness
Indicator sentences: So, what is selfishness?
Negotiation parts: According to Merriam-Webster, being selfish means: [STA-CITE]> having or showing concern only for yourself, and not for the needs of other people [END-CITE]The decision not to have children in order to lead a more fulfilling life is fundamentally selfish because it is a decision based on concern for your own life. Having children, on the other hand, means a commitment to being tied to another person for, at minimum, 18 years. This means that you are essentially sacrificing your own freedom to accommodate another person. Obviously in some cases people who have children do so for selfish reasons, but it is still less selfish because it involves that commitment to raise a child and defer to their needs. Now, in this case being selfish isn't inherently bad. It is selfish though, because it is a decision made out of concern for yourself. [STA-CITE]> having or showing concern only for yourself, and not for the needs of other people [END-CITE]I don't think there's a single person in the world who's need it is for you to have children (apart from maybe some parents that have no other ways of getting grandschildren that also really want them). So I'd argue that you actually are taking every single person's needs in account. Just because your actions don't harm anyone else doesn't mean you have considered their needs. When I decide not to eat a sandwich, that is selfish, as in focused entirely on myself. Obviously no one else needed me to have that sandwich, but that doesn't mean I considered their needs before making that choice. I don't think that's what selfish means, including according to the stated definition. Well grammatically, someone else's needs do not need to exist in order to *not* care for them. That is just grammatically a fact. I don't care about unicorns. I don't care about leprechauns. I don't care about the feelings of unborn babies. All these are grammatically and logically correct. I think you skipped the second half of your definition. That's an "and", so unless your action is ignoring the needs of someone else, your definition doesn't apply. When it comes to having kids, there is no other person in all of existence whose needs are being ignored, so the word doesn't apply. Well, it doesn't actually say "ignoring the needs of others", it says "not showing concern for the needs of others". The difference is that "ignoring" means those needs exist. If I was the only person on Earth, I couldn't be ignoring anyone. I could, however, not show concern. In fact *of course* I wouldn't show concern for others, since there would be no other people. Essentially, the selfishness doesn't have to be active, as in actively choosing to focus on yourself; it can be passive, as in you focus on yourself because there is no reason to focus on others. The distinction you're trying to draw between those two phrasings doesn't really work, because neither one makes sense in the absence of any "other's" needs. If you were the only person on Earth, it wouldn't make any sense to say you "don't care about the needs of others". That sentence only makes any sense to say if there are such needs for you to "not care" about. It makes as much sense as saying "John doesn't care about the feelings of leprechauns"...it refers to nothing, and so saying it is incoherent. The real problem here is that you're ignoring the function that the word "selfish" has in our language. When someone is accused of being selfish, it *always* means exactly what the definition says: they are privileging their own concerns over those of others, thereby putting others at some sort of disadvantage. There is literally no other usage of the term. [STA-CITE]> It makes as much sense as saying "John doesn't care about the feelings of leprechauns"...it refers to nothing, and so saying it is incoherent. [END-CITE]That is not incoherent, it is both grammatically and logically correct. The only reason it sounds weird is because in everyday language there is not often a need for people to use the word in reference to non-existent things. [STA-CITE]> The real problem here is that you're ignoring the function that the word "selfish" has in our language. [END-CITE]A word can have different meanings in different contexts, and simply because it is often used in reference to privileging one's self over others, doesn't mean it cannot be used when there are no "others". [STA-CITE]> There is literally no other usage of the term. [END-CITE]"My tolerance of golfers is utterly selfish." "For purely selfish reasons, of course, I couldn't wait for this smoking ban to go ahead." "I joined them for selfish reasons" > When someone is accused of being selfish, it always means exactly what the definition says: they are privileging their own concerns over those of others, thereby putting others at some sort of disadvantage. lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure. See, you are inferring this into the definition, nowhere is it specifically stated. Let me provide you with more definitions, and you will notice that none of them *explicitly* mention "putting someone else at a disadvantage. [STA-CITE]> "lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure." [END-CITE][STA-CITE]>"devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others." [END-CITE][STA-CITE]>"Concerned chiefly or only with oneself" [END-CITE]I understand how the word is usually used. However, the professionals who spend their entire lives analyzing these things and coming together to form the oxford, merriam-webster, or other dictionaries formulated the definitions in this way for a reason.